


Baby Go On Twist The Knife

by Phillipa19



Series: Went Down In The Flames [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Louis, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I blame the fact that tumblr made that song all about Zouis, Love You Goodbye, M/M, Non AU, Pining, Smut, Top Zayn, Zayn Leaves One Direction, it's based on their new song Love You Goodbye because that came out yesterday and i'm in pain, they don;t use a condom do i have to tag that?, this is set literally yesterday so a few months after Zayn left, zouis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:12:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5193518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipa19/pseuds/Phillipa19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn left the band without a word to Louis about it. After three years of being in a relationship Louis had expected more, so when Zayn had tried to get into contact with him afterwards Louis had felt very justified in ignoring every single one of his texts and phone calls. But it's been months now and Louis knows he needs to start getting closure on what happened between them, and when he goes to Zayn's house to collect all the things he'd left behind he ends up accidentally falling back into bed with him and realising that maybe he isn't ready to let go. </p><p>*</p><p>Inspired by the song Love You Goodbye by One Direction, this is all about breakup sex which maybe turns out to be makeup sex because I'm a sucker for angst with a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Go On Twist The Knife

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. That song caused a lot of feelings and I needed to write something angsty. 
> 
> I also wanted to wind up Riney, Carlee, and Cherry with Zouis angst and smut so here you go lmao <3

Going to see Zayn for the first time after he left the band for good was possibly the hardest thing Louis has ever had to do. His driver takes him to Zayn’s house and he has to press his hands between his thighs to stop their shaking. The thing is . . . He still hasn’t forgiven him. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever forgive him. Louis had been so clueless, so utterly left in the dark about the whole situation. He’d told fans not to worry. He’d told them Zayn would be back soon. He’d been such a fool. At the time he’d honestly thought Zayn only needed a break, he’d never have guessed that he would leave the band, leave them behind . . . leave Louis behind.

That’s probably a little harsh, Louis admits to himself. Because every day Zayn has messaged him, every day Zayn has tried to call him at least once. Every single night Zayn sends him the same text, the same, simple “I love you” text that he’s been sending Louis ever since being best friends wasn’t good enough. It’s been two-hundred and thirty days since they released the statement on Zayn’s departure from the band. Two-hundred and thirty days since Louis found out Zayn was leaving the band from a fucking Facebook status. Two-hundred and thirty days since Louis had spoken to Zayn anywhere other than their one twitter argument over bullshit that didn’t matter.

He lied in interviews, said they were all good with a smile on his face, and it fucking hurt. It hurt because they’d had it so good. They’d kissed the bubbles from champagne from one another’s lips. They’d fucked on private planes. They’d travelled the world and loved each other so much.

But Louis was done with it.

They’d been together for three fucking years and Zayn didn’t even bother to tell him that he wanted to leave, that apparently he was so fucking unhappy he couldn’t even finish the tour. And maybe Louis was a little mad at himself too, because he’d never guessed, he never saw the need to leave in Zayn’s eyes and it killed him. But he was angrier at Zayn than he was at himself. Zayn told the others. Zayn made them promise not to tell Louis. Zayn left Louis in the dark on purpose.

The only reason Louis was caving and initiating contact was because he’d finally gotten up the courage to go get his things from Zayn’s house. There were too many sentimental things in that house for Louis to simply replace them instead of facing Zayn.

Louis may be utterly heartbroken but he was damn sure going to make Zayn realise what he’d lost. He was wearing his old white jeans for fuck sake. He hadn’t worn them for years, but he remembers all too clearly how Zayn had stared at him every single time he had. Maybe it was a little pathetic, a little desperate, to wear them in the hopes Zayn would fall at his feet and beg for the forgiveness Louis wouldn’t be able to give him. But honestly Louis couldn’t give a shit. He wanted Zayn to be as miserable as he was. So he’d pulled on his white jeans that stuck to his arse like they were spray paint, he’d tugged on a black tshirt with the sleeves folded up to show his arms, pulling on a pair of maroon coloured Vans because Zayn had bought them for him months ago. His hair lay in a spikey fringe over his forehead and he’d trimmed his stubble a little. All in all, Louis felt like he looked great, too bad that on the inside he was a fucking terrified mess at the thought of seeing Zayn again. He’s known the man for five years but he’s never been more afraid of another person than he is right now.

He gets dropped off outside Zayn’s gates and rings the buzzer with his face turned away from the camera. It doesn’t matter because the second Zayn looks at his monitor his gasp of Louis’ name is audible through the speaker, Louis’ heart leaping a little at the breathless “Lou?” that crackles through the speakers. Louis refuses to speak, to explain himself, but Zayn doesn’t wait and he opens the gates with a buzz. The gates have barely closed behind Louis when the front door opens and Zayn appears dressed in ripped black jeans and a white tshirt that hangs low on his collarbones.

Louis walks towards him with the fear of the gallows nipping at his neck. It’s ridiculous how one person can affect you so strongly. A little part of Louis fucking hates him for what he’s done to him. Another part hates himself for letting himself fall so deeply for someone who walked away from him in the end.

Zayn moves out of the way to let Louis pass as soon as he reaches the door and Louis walks past him without meeting his eyes. He heads straight for the kitchen, head spinning with mild panic, and hops up onto the black marble counter. Zayn follows quietly, socked feet on the wooden floor soundless. He comes to stand in front of Louis, enough space between them that Louis would be able to hop down without bumping into him. He knows Zayn well enough that the distance is on purpose, that Zayn is judging Louis’ mood and working out how much he can get away with right now. Zayn has always been so analytical, he’d always known exactly what buttons to press and when to press them. He’d studied Louis’ every move like it was something fascinating. He’d been the same during sex, at least at first anyway. He’d been so determined to make Louis fall apart, he'd done anything and everything completely without shame and with that single-minded focus on achieving the goal of Louis wrecked in his sheets. Later in their relationship he’d dropped that analytical attitude and let himself relax in the knowledge that he could make Louis melt for him. How had Louis ever stood a chance?

They had worked so well in a relationship, Louis a little too loud, Zayn a little too introverted, and they’d seemed to balance each other out until Zayn began to raise his voice and Louis began to lower his. They’d brought the best out in each other and it’d been so strangely easy to love him. Zayn’s only flaw had been the moods he’d fall into. When Louis is angry he shouts and he throws things and he’s fully aware that he can be a pain in the arse, but Zayn, he went quiet. When Zayn is angry it’s like being in the room with a thunder cloud and waiting for the lightening you know could hit you at any moment. He’d ignore you for days if you pissed him off enough, and for someone as needy as Louis that’d been hell. He’d whined and moaned and done anything possible to get his attention. Louis had thrown his dignity away a long time ago when it came to Zayn.

But right now it was like their roles had reversed, Louis sat silent and solemn as Zayn looked on with wide, needy eyes that begged for something Louis couldn’t give. Zayn’s stubbled jaw was tense, his arms hanging at his sides, his hands fisting and opening over and over like he needed some kind of release from the tension.

“You look amazing, Lou,” Zayn said quietly, voice filled with something Louis couldn’t decipher. Louis finally looked up, glancing over Zayn’s face, taking in the new hair, short on the sides with a quiff on the top. He’d been blond, Louis knew from his instagram, but now he was back to his natural dark shade. He’d also buffed up a little, his chest and arms looking a little thicker, more toned. He looked gorgeous and it was unfair.

“I came to get my stuff back,” Louis finally replied after a few moments of tense silence. Louis watched as Zayn reacted to those words, to what they meant. His brown eyes sprung wide and his full lips parted. He saw pain dance through those beautiful eyes and didn’t feel the satisfaction he’d thought he would.

“Lou . . . Louis, you can’t . . .” Zayn trailed off, sounding breathless.

“Fine, don’t help me,” Louis said with a casual shrug before hopping down from the counter and shuffling past Zayn.

He ignored Zayn as he bent to grab a bin liner from under the sink. He opened it up and made his way to the living room. He spotted his little brother’s blanket slung over the back of the couch and grabbed it, shoving it into the liner without much care. He just needed to leave. Seeing Zayn was a mistake. His chest fucking ached.

He carelessly made his way through every room of Zayn’s house and it killed a part of him that he’d been so entwined with Zayn’s life that he’d left so much of himself here. And now they were nothing.

“Louis . . .” Zayn tried but Louis ignored him, continuing to make his way through the house. “Louis, I gave you space. I let you be mad, you can’t just decide to take your shit and end this,” Zayn almost shouted at him, his voice filled with something like desperation. Louis couldn’t look at him, couldn’t face him as he replied.

“This ended back in March, Zayn. All I’m doing right now is collecting whatever I left behind,” Louis said tonelessly, heading upstairs quickly as if to run away from Zayn. Zayn followed him as Louis headed into his bedroom, going straight for the walk-in wardrobe and searching through Zayn’s clothes for his own. If one or two of Zayn’s hoodies and tshirts ended up in his bag then no one had to know.

“Louis, can you stop and just fucking look at me?! I don’t understand. I gave you time, I let you have the space you needed, how the fuck can you just walk in here like it means nothing?” Zayn asked him, and Louis couldn’t take it anymore. He threw down the bag of his belongings, ignoring it when the plastic split apart and his things fell all over the floor.

“You think that texting and ringing me every fucking day is space? Are you a fucking _idiot_?” Louis snapped and Zayn glanced away, visibly swallowing down his own shame. “And space? Really, Zayn? You fucking left. You left and you didn’t even fucking tell me! Did you really think space was going to make me forgive you?”

“I’m not . . . I don’t know how to explain it, Lou. I just, I was miserable! I was being something I wasn’t. I was making music that I didn’t even fucking like. I loved those songs only because I heard you in them. I sang those songs only because you’d written the words. But they weren’t _me_. They were never me. And I didn’t . . . I didn’t know how to tell you. The other boys were a fucking mess when I told them. I thought Liam was going to pass out. I couldn’t fucking stand the thought of watching you cry because of something I’d done. I _couldn’t_ do it,” Zayn cried out, his voice filled with remembered pain.

Louis turned away from him, couldn’t deal with being watched by those big brown eyes so filled with hurt. He shouldn’t feel like the bad guy right now. Zayn is the one who lied and left him and turned everything upside down.

When he felt Zayn’s hands slide onto his hips and grip tight, he jumped from shock but didn’t move away, he couldn’t. He couldn’t pull away when this is the first time they’ve touched in months. He misses him. Louis misses Zayn so fucking much.

“You didn’t come here to grab your shit and go,” Zayn said softly but firmly, some of his natural confidence leaking back into him despite the tremor in his voice. Louis felt him move closer, felt his hips brush the curve of Louis’ arse. Zayn’s head ducked into the side of his neck and Louis was helpless but to tilt his head a little, give him access. Zayn took advantage, dragging his lips from Louis’ shoulder up his neck to press a kiss just below his jaw.

“You _lied_ to me,” Louis whispered, almost afraid to break the bubble around them. It felt like they were the only two people in the world.

“I did . . . You wore those jeans for me,” Zayn replied just as softly.

“I did,” Louis imitated and Zayn grazed his teeth over the nape of his neck, leaving Louis shivering against him.

“Will you let me take them off of you?” Zayn asked calmly, sweetly,with just a hint of unfamiliar nervousness and Louis’ stomach fluttered with butterflies. He’d almost forgotten how easily Zayn said whatever was on his mind. At least to him anyway. How Zayn had ever been labelled the ‘mysterious’ one was beyond him.

“I don’t think that’d be a good idea,” Louis murmured even though his body screamed at him to agree.

“Why not?” Zayn murmured, kissing his way along Louis’ neck, knowing that Louis was weak for that.

“Because this is a break up,” Louis replied shakily. Zayn bit down a little sharper, making Louis suck in a pained breath.

“If that’s the case then that’s even more of a reason to let me. If I can’t have you after today then let me have you one last time. One last time let me hold you . . . let me love you . . . let me fuck you,” Zayn whispered slowly, shakily, the obscenity of his words lost due to his tone of quiet longing, and Louis nodded without thinking it through. Immediately Zayn took hold of his wrist and tugged hard to spin him around. Once they were facing one another Zayn yanked him close with a hand on the back of his neck until he was pressed to his chest and kissed him without hesitation.

He knew that no one would ever guess at how they were when they were like this. They’d never guess that Louis may be loud in bed but he didn’t have a dominant bone in his body when it came to this. He might always want to be the centre of everyone’s attention, always willing to lead the others into mischief, but here, under Zayn’s hands, he’s helpless. He melts and it’d be embarrassing how needy he can be if it were with anyone but Zayn. Beautiful, passionate Zayn who takes control with quiet ease, hands stroking Louis’ body like he knows it better than his own. Louis is weak under his kiss, whimpering into his mouth as Zayn’s hands slide down the dip of his back to cup his arse with a quiet possessiveness that had always made Louis squirm.

“You didn’t come to say goodbye,” Zayn murmured huskily into his mouth and Louis moaned softly as he began to kiss down Louis’ neck, tugging his tshirt away to lick and bite at his collarbone.

“I did,” Louis replied almost childishly, a light pout to his lower lip that Zayn leaned up to bite on in reprimand.

“You didn’t come dressed in these jeans with any other intention than letting me take them off of you,” Zayn murmured against his jaw and fuck, he was right, part of him had known he’d be weak when confronted with Zayn after so long apart.

“I . . . Just shut up,” Louis gasped as Zayn gripped his arse and pulled him forwards as he pressed his own hips forwards to grind their crotches together. Louis moaned and pressed his mouth to the side of Zayn’s neck, taking the time to suck a vibrant purple bruise into his beautiful brown skin. Zayn slid his hands down the back of Louis’ trousers and made a sound of approval when he realised Louis hadn’t worn boxers.

“Slut,” Zayn murmured playfully into his ear and Louis laughed breathlessly.

“Piss off. They were too tight for boxers,” Louis argued weakly.

“Do you actually believe any of the bullshit that comes out of your mouth?” Zayn asked and Louis could hear the smirk in his voice. He leaned back to catch Zayn’s lips once more but quickly lost whatever control he’d had over the kiss. Zayn pulled back and caught Louis’ hand to tug him out of the wardrobe and across the room to the bed. He stood Louis so that the mattress hit the backs of his thighs before catching the hem of his tshirt and pulling up until Louis lifted his arms and allowed him to pull the material off of him. Louis quickly moved to pull off Zayn’s tshirt and they stood facing one another in their jeans.

The moment felt breathless as their eyes locked and Louis knew. He knew that going through with this would cause him more heartache. Because there was no acceptance in Zayn’s eyes. No goodbyes. Zayn wouldn’t let him walk away.

But Louis couldn’t stop this. He couldn’t pull away because when Zayn’s hand reached out to cup his cheek his eyes fluttered shut and his heart beat madly in his chest.

He kept his eyes closed as Zayn’s fingers trailed down his neck, over his chest, down his stomach, a slow drag until he finally gripped the button at the front of Louis’ white jeans and popped them open. Louis couldn’t open his eyes but he felt the way Zayn lowered his zip, heard the drag of the metal teeth separating. Zayn’s hands clasped on either side of his rib cage before slowly, torturously dragging down, into the dip of his waist, over the full curve of his hip, before tucking under the denim at his hips and continuing their drag down his body whilst taking his trousers down with them. The hands slid down his outer thighs, over his knees and down to his ankles before encouraging Louis to lift his feet and step out of them.

He felt Zayn stand up once again, and the rustle of Zayn removing his own clothes, and still for some strange reason he couldn’t make himself open his eyes. The thing is, he’s fucking missed this. He’s spent so many nights remembering how their naked bodies had twined together like vines and it was fucking killing him that this might be the last time.

Zayn’s hand came back to cup his cheek and he moved in closer until their foreheads touched, their bodies brushed, and his breath tickled over Louis’ kiss swollen lips.

“Open your eyes for me, baby,” Zayn whispered and Louis shook his head stubbornly. “We haven’t been this close in months, Lou . . . Please look at me,” Zayn murmured and there was so much need in his usually steady voice that Louis forced himself to open his eyes once more.

The second their eyes locked they were both closing them again as their lips crashed together, a kiss that was all teeth and tongue, heated and desperate. They gripped at one another’s body with fumbling hands until finally Zayn shoved them back onto the bed, Louis crashing onto the sheets with Zayn’s body above him. They shuffled clumsily up the bed, refusing to stop their kiss for more than a few seconds.

Louis parted his thighs for Zayn to move between them and moaned as their cocks brushed together. Their sweat slick skin slid together and the room was filled with the sounds of their panting breaths and Louis’ frequent whimpers.

Zayn pulled back from the kiss only to grab the lube from the bedside drawer but then he seemed to hesitate as his eyes caught on something. Louis watched as Zayn closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them once more and grabbing whatever it was that had caught his attention. A condom. Louis swallowed thickly as Zayn settled on his knees between Louis’ spread thighs.

Zayn looked at the condom in his hand for a few moments before hesitantly meeting Louis’ eyes.

“I . . . I haven’t . . . I haven’t slept with anyone else,” Zayn said hesitantly and it was so clear. It was so clear Zayn thought Louis had slept with someone else since March. Louis might hate him a little but he couldn’t stand the thought of that. He sat up quickly and cupped Zayn’s cheek, forcing him to meet his eyes. Zayn’s brows pulled together and he was visibly bracing himself for Louis’ response.

“I haven’t gone near anyone else. I wouldn’t,” Louis murmured and Zayn’s shoulders slumped a little in relief.

“I thought since . . . Since you classed it as a break up that you might have,” Zayn said with a weak shrug, leaning forwards to press their foreheads together.

“No. I wouldn’t do that. I couldn’t do that,” Louis replied, making sure to keep eye contact because . . . this thing between them may be over but Louis would never stop loving this beautiful boy. He couldn’t stand the thought of hurting him like that, which is probably why he feels so betrayed that Zayn had hurt him the way he did.

Zayn kissed him softly, with love and heartache and longing and Louis lay back down on the bed, pulling Zayn with him so their lips didn’t part. Zayn pulled back for a moment to slick his fingers with lube before returning to the kiss with a little more heat. Louis arched up into him, happily spreading his legs wider when Zayn tapped on his thigh. Zayn wasted no time, stroking his fingers over Louis’ hole before dipping the first inside of him. Louis wiggled his hips a little to get him to hurry up, impatient now. Zayn fingered him with lazy, languid thrusts of his fingers that had Louis panting into his mouth and sweating as he writhed on the sheets below Zayn’s tattooed body.

“Taking it so good for me, baby,” Zayn murmured into his mouth before pressing a third finger into him, Louis whining and whimpering at the stretch, the feeling of fullness.

“ _Zayn_ ,” Louis moaned and the other boy kissed the tip of his nose.

“I know, baby,” Zayn murmured before pulling out his fingers and reaching for the lube once again. He poured some of the lube into his palm before slowly stroking his own thick length. Louis watched the pleasure of it play out on Zayn’s face and felt himself flush an even deeper red. Men like Zayn Malik shouldn’t be allowed around the general population. That face just wasn’t fair.

Zayn moved to balance himself with an arm beside Louis’ head, the other reaching down to position himself at Louis’ entrance. He leaned down to kiss Louis with a languid sensuality as he steadily began to push inside of him. Louis moaned into his mouth and he brought his legs up to wrap around Zayn’s hips, taking him in even deeper and loving the intensity of the feeling. It’d been far too long since they’d done this.

Zayn’s hips fell into a steady rhythm that had Louis’ mouth pouted into an ‘O’, sounds of pleasure being pushed out of him with every hard thrust of Zayn’s hips.

Zayn kissed him, all wet heat, before moving to put his lips to Louis’ ear.

“You take me so good, baby. I’ve missed you so much. Missed your body. Missed being inside of you,” Zayn panted and Louis whined, nails raking down Zayn’s back maybe a little too hard and leaving the other boy groaning in pleasure as his hips picked up a little in speed. “God, baby, missed you so fucking bad.”

“Zayn, please,” Louis panted and Zayn bit down on Louis’ lip hard and he started to fuck into him a little faster, changing the angle of his hips over and over until he hit the angle that had Louis throwing his head back and crying out. Zayn kept that angle going and used one hand to reach between them and slowly pumped Louis’ erection. Louis was practically sobbing against Zayn’s mouth by this point and when his body tensed with orgasm he moaned long and loud into the other boy’s mouth, his orgasm painting their stomachs white. Zayn came a few moments later with a groan of Louis’ name, his hips stuttering as he fucked in and out of Louis’ body.

Finally Zayn’s hips slowed to a stop and he let his body collapse onto Louis’ tucking his head into Louis’ neck to take deep breaths. Louis wrapped his arms around his shoulders, stroking his fingers up and down Zayn’s sweat slick back, tracing the patterns of the tattoo on the nape of his neck.

Louis waited until Zayn fell asleep to slip from under him and out of the bed. He used a flannel in Zayn’s master bathroom to clean himself up before pulling on his clothes once more.

He padded over to the bed and kissed Zayn’s forehead softly.

“I love you so much. Goodbye, Zayn,” Louis whispered against his skin before leaving the room. He shoved his feet into his Vans and left the house as quietly as possible. Tears fell down his face and he didn’t bother to stem them, too emotionally exhausted to try and be strong right now. He waited on the road for his driver to pick him up, and five minutes after he’d made himself comfortable in the backseat and they’d set off back to Louis’ house, Louis’ phone buzzed with a text message.

\- You left all your shit xxxxx

Louis laughed a little through the tears and looked at the message for a few moments before responding.

\- I guess I did.

\- You should come pick it up this weekend. I’ll cook xxxxxx

\- You asking me on a date?

\- Maybe I am xxxxxx

Louis bit his lip to stop his smile and replied before he could talk himself out of it.

\- Fine. But I want pudding too.

Zayn was going to have to do a lot to regain Louis’ trust but maybe they could make a start. Have dinner. A proper date. Something they hadn’t done a lot of with being on the road so much with the band.

\- I’ll give you anything you want, baby xxxxxxx

Yeah, Louis is fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> I have serious writers block at the moment so I'm trying to cure it with these short fics. Pretty please let me know what you think?
> 
> I'm over on tumblr at thedeliciousrude :) Come say hi I'm nice I promise aha xxx


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